Okay, I saw The Northman...and?

Alright, alright, I finally caved and watched The Northman. Everyone was losing their minds over this thing last year, acting like it was some kind of Viking cinema revolution. Honestly? I'm just not seeing it. Yeah, it's visually impressive, I'll give it that. The landscapes are bleak and beautiful, and there's some seriously brutal fight choreography. But visually impressive doesn't equal good. My main issue is that the story felt...obvious? Like, we all know the Hamlet connection, which isn't exactly subtle (Amleth, Hamlet, get it?). And even setting that aside, the revenge plot itself is so basic. Angry prince wants revenge, goes on a bloody rampage, blah blah blah. Where's the nuance? Where's the depth beyond grunting and hacking? I think people got swayed by the historical setting and the gritty realism, mistaking it for actual substance. Plus, Skarsgård's physique was distracting. Like, dude, are we supposed to be relating to him, or just admiring the result of an elite personal trainer? I will say, Anya Taylor-Joy was solid, as always. She brought a spark to a movie that was otherwise pretty grim and humorless (intentionally, I guess). Willem Dafoe also popped up for like 5 minutes and stole the show, obviously. Ultimately, it was fine. Perfectly watchable. But all the fawning praise? Massively overblown. I’d give it a generous 6/10. It probably satisfied some bloodlust for most, but I wasn’t feeling it as much as everyone else seemed to be.