Morbius: More Like Moribund, Am I Right?

Okay, so I finally subjected myself to Morbius. Look, I went in with low expectations, I really did. I'd heard the memes, I saw the box office numbers... but still, there's always that tiny sliver of hope, right? That tiny sliver got staked through the heart approximately 15 minutes in. The plot, well, you know it. Sick guy, blood thing, turns into a vampire-adjacent creature. Fine. It's the EXECUTION that's just... baffling. Matt Smith is clearly having a blast as the villain Milo (or Lucien, whatever), and he's probably the only reason I didn't walk out. He chews scenery with such gusto it almost makes the rest of the film palatable. Almost. Jared Leto... Look, I usually enjoy Leto, even in his more 'out there' roles. But here? He's just... bland. There's none of the intensity or charisma he usually brings. He spends most of the movie looking constipated, and honestly, I don't blame him. The dialogue is atrocious. There's a scene where he's talking to Martine Bancroft (Adria Arjona), and he just says the most generic, romance novel-esque lines with zero conviction. It's like they filmed it in one take and just moved on. And the special effects? Hoo boy. The 'vampire' transformations are inconsistent and often just look… unfinished. There's this weird smoke effect that follows Morbius around when he's using his powers, and it honestly looks like someone spilled a vape pen on the lens. And don't even get me started on the plot holes. Or the complete lack of stakes (no pun intended... mostly). They set up this whole 'moral dilemma' about Morbius needing blood to survive, but then he just… finds a way around it? Like, what was the point? And those post-credit scenes? Just... why? It felt like Sony was desperately trying to shoehorn Morbius into some grander cinematic universe, but it just came across as awkward and completely unearned. It's like they saw the memes and thought, 'People are ironically enjoying this! Let's capitalize!' No, Sony. Just no. Ultimately, Morbius is a mess. It's not offensively bad, it's just... profoundly mediocre. It's the kind of film that you forget you even watched five minutes after leaving the theater. Matt Smith's performance is a bright spot, but it’s not enough to save this sinking ship. I’d recommend just watching the memes instead. You’ll get more out of it.