Okay, I Saw Barbie...And I Have Some Thoughts (Mostly Unpopular)

Alright, alright, I caved. I saw Barbie. Everyone and their mother has been losing their minds over this thing, so I figured I'd wade into the pink ocean and see what the fuss was about. And honestly? I'm underwhelmed. Seriously. Look, the visuals are great, I'll give it that. It's like a Lisa Frank fever dream come to life. But the actual story? It felt like they were trying to hit every single 'woke' talking point possible, and ended up with a preachy, muddled mess. Ken’s arc was actually kinda interesting, seeing him discover patriarchy (even if it was cartoonishly portrayed), but Barbie's journey just felt…forced. It felt like they were trying too hard to subvert expectations, and ended up just being...boring. Oh and the musical numbers? Pass. And don't even get me started on the constant barrage of 'girl power' slogans. I get it, women are great. But beating me over the head with it every five minutes doesn't make for compelling cinema, it makes for exhausting viewing. At the end of the day it was just a long commerical for Mattel, but very on the nose. Overall I'd rather just watch the Lego Movie again, that was creative, funny, and didn't assume I was a moron. Maybe I'm just a grumpy old cynic, but to me, Barbie felt like style over substance. It’s pretty, pink, and... ultimately, forgettable. I will say this though, Ryan Gosling absolutely crushed it. Fight me.