Okay, hear me out: "Bloodsucking Freaks" is secretly... a Romantic Comedy?

Alright, I know, I know. The title alone makes you want to hurl, and believe me, the movie doesn't disappoint in the 'trying to make you hurl' department. But stay with me, because I have a THEORY. "Bloodsucking Freaks" (ugh, I hate even typing that) is actually a super twisted, super, SUPER dark parody of the whole 'boy meets girl, boy tortures girl, girl slowly falls in love because she's been isolated and Stockholm Syndrome is a thing' trope that RomComs love to play with. Think about it! Sardu is basically the emotionally constipated, ridiculously wealthy (in a kinda gross way), and utterly clueless male lead. He 'expresses' his affection through… well, murder and humiliation. And the women are constantly being put in these ridiculous, over-the-top situations that, if you squint REALLY hard and maybe had a lobotomy, kind of resemble the silly misunderstandings and 'obstacles' that keep rom-com couples apart. Like, that scene where they dangle the girl over a pit of hungry cannibals? Total 'meet cute' if you're Sardu. He's showing off his 'sensitive' side! (Okay, I'm reaching, I admit it.) And Ralphus, the assistant? He's the sassy, gay best friend, dishing out (admittedly horrifying) advice and generally enabling Sardu's terrible behavior. He even has that whole 'Oh honey, what ARE you DOING?' vibe going on. It's a horrifying, skin-crawling take on the genre, but I SWEAR there's a warped romantic core buried under all the… well, you know. I'm not saying it's good, okay? Like, objectively, it's probably one of the most offensive things I've ever seen. But the over-the-top absurdity, the sheer commitment to being awful… it almost seems intentional? Like, they were trying to push the boundaries of what's acceptable and, in doing so, accidentally stumbled upon the darkest, most twisted RomCom parody ever conceived. Maybe I'm just insane from watching too many Meg Ryan movies. I dunno. Just food for thought. Or maybe just brain poison. And before anyone comes for me, yes, I know it's probably just a cheap exploitation flick trying to shock people. But where's the fun in taking it at face value? Let me live in my delulu era!