Rambo III: Hear Me Out...It's Basically a Rom-Com (Kinda)

Okay, okay, before you sharpen your knives (or whatever Rambo does), just LISTEN. Rambo III. Afghanistan. Explosions. I know, I know, sounds about as far from a rom-com as you can get. But here's my theory, and I'm gonna need you to stretch your imagination with me: what if...the real love story is between Rambo and Trautman? Think about it! Rambo's all zen, trying to find himself in a temple, right? Totally giving off 'reluctant commitment' vibes. Then Trautman shows up, basically saying, 'Come on, baby, one last mission! I NEED you!' And Rambo's like, 'Ugh, fine, but only because I can't bear the thought of you getting hurt.' Like, hello? That's textbook rom-com trope right there! The reluctant hero drawn back in by the power of love (or, you know, deep, unshakable respect and loyalty). I mean, the scene where Rambo pulls Trautman out of that...thing... whatever it was...pure devotion! Sure, there's no kiss in the rain or grand romantic gesture (unless you count blowing up Soviet tanks as a grand gesture, which... maybe?). But the whole movie is driven by Rambo's desire to save Trautman. He literally goes to the ends of the earth (or at least the mountains of Afghanistan) for him! Even the random Afghan kid who helps him is like the quirky best friend in a rom-com, offering sage advice and comic relief. I know, I know, I'm probably reaching. It's probably just intense male bonding. But I'm sticking with my theory. Rambo III: A slightly unconventional, incredibly violent, but ultimately touching love story between two war-torn souls. Don't @ me. (Okay, do @ me. I want to hear your thoughts. Am I completely insane?)